Leading Yourself Through Change: An Honest Approach to Personal Transformation Using Kotter’s Model

Lasting personal transformation begins within.

Leaders often transform their organizations long before they transform themselves. But the truth is simple: the hardest and most important change you’ll ever lead is your own.

Personal Transformation and Change Management

Most executives know how to lead change. They’ve spent their careers guiding teams through restructures, deadlines, crises, and uncertainty. They know how to stabilize an organization. They know how to project confidence. They know how to create clarity when everything feels chaotic.

But many of those same leaders carry a quieter truth—one they rarely say out loud.

At work, they're steady. At home, they’re drained. At work, they know exactly what to do. At home, they're unsure how to show up. At work, they feel respected. At home, they feel distant or disconnected.

I’ve sat with high achievers who have complete command of a boardroom but feel powerless in their own living rooms. People who manage major change at work with ease but feel overwhelmed by a personal conversation with their partner. Leaders who keep their teams grounded yet quietly fall apart when the door closes behind them at night.

True transformation begins within — a reminder echoed by Gandhi’s lifelong example.

Turning Kotter’s Change Model Inward

I first studied Kotter’s model during my master’s program at Norwich and later tried applying it in a large corporation. But something always felt incomplete. We were trying to change systems without addressing the people leading them. It reminded me of the line often attributed to Gandhi: “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” That’s when it clicked—organizational change fails for the same reason personal change fails: the leader hasn’t transformed. And I wasn’t exempt from that.

Professionally, I could lead, solve, and stay composed under pressure, but at home I often felt empty, unable to turn off that intensity or show up as the human version of myself. That disconnect didn’t make me weak; it made me aware.

We spend endless energy growing our careers while neglecting the inner leadership our relationships and home lives actually depend on. That realization changed how I saw Kotter’s work. It wasn’t just a framework for organizations—it was a blueprint for transforming ourselves.

This is the split so many high achievers live with: strong and respected in one world, numb or exhausted in the other. And the harder they push at work, the more misaligned they feel at home. This is why personal transformation matters.

The 8 Steps of Kotter, Applied to Your Inner Life

Kotter’s 8-Step Change Model becomes such an effective roadmap when turned inward. The same principles used to shift an organization can help you shift your life from the inside out. Not through force. Not through willpower. But through self-reflection and aligned leadership.

Change starts the moment you stop delaying the truth you already know.

STEP 1: CREATE A SENSE OF URGENCY — Tell the Truth You’ve Avoided

In organizations, change begins when leaders acknowledge reality. Personally, urgency starts with admitting, “Something in me is tired,” or “I’m not okay,” or “My home life deserves better than what I’m bringing.” It’s rarely a collapse that creates urgency. It’s the slow erosion: the missed connections, the irritability, the constant fatigue, the emotional distance.

High achievers can tolerate discomfort longer than most people. That’s why they ignore their inner warning signs until something forces them to pay attention. Urgency comes from honoring what your body and relationships have been trying to tell you.

STEP 2: FORM A GUIDING COALITION — Don’t Do It Alone

Companies rely on strong coalitions to move change forward. Personally, your coalition becomes the quiet circle that helps you return to who you are: your values, your intentions, your commitments, and the people who hold you to your truth, not your performance. This might be a coach, therapist, mentor, or a single person who sees you clearly. High achievers often try to transform alone. But willpower doesn’t create alignment. Support does.

STEP 3: DEVELOP A VISION AND STRATEGY — Clarify Who You Are Becoming

Executives know how to build visions for organizations. But the internal vision—the one about who you’re trying to become—that’s the one that feels uncomfortable. This step is simple, but not easy: “What does the aligned version of me look like in my real life? Not just at work — at home, in conflict, in rest, in relationship.” Identity-based transformation begins here. You stop forcing yourself into action and instead become the person who naturally follows through.

STEP 4: COMMUNICATE THE VISION — Change the Story You Tell Yourself

Kotter teaches that vision must be repeated until it becomes culture. The same is true internally. Your inner voice becomes leadership communication: “I don’t have to carry everything alone.” “I can lead from steadiness, not urgency.” “I am allowed to slow down.” “I can choose presence over performance.” The story you tell yourself becomes the emotional frequency you live from.

Your life shifts the moment your inner vision becomes sharp enough to lead from.

STEP 5: REMOVE OBSTACLES — Release What’s in the Way

In business, obstacles are operational. Internally, the obstacles are emotional: old patterns, unresolved stress, fear of vulnerability, perfectionism, people-pleasing, over-functioning, and the nervous system habits built over years of survival. This is where somatic awareness matters: noticing tension instead of ignoring it, pausing instead of reacting, letting the body signal what needs attention. Transformation begins when you stop fighting your own internal resistance and start understanding it.

STEP 6: GENERATE SHORT-TERM WINS — Rebuild Self-Trust Slowly

High achievers live for big wins. But personal change doesn’t work like that. It’s built through small, dependable actions that remind you: “I follow through.” “I keep promises to myself.” “I can be present.” Small wins restore self-trust, the foundation most high performers unknowingly lose while trying to hold everything together.

STEP 7: SUSTAIN ACCELERATION — Choose Alignment, Not Adrenaline

Executives survive on momentum. But inner leadership thrives on steadiness. This step is the shift from urgency-driven living to alignment-driven living. Consistency becomes possible when you stop chasing spikes of motivation and start moving from grounded presence.

Real leadership begins in the quiet moments when you return to who you are.

STEP 8: INSTITUTE THE CHANGE — Make It Who You Are

In organizations, this is culture change. Internally, this is identity change. You’re no longer two versions of yourself — the composed leader and the exhausted human. You become one aligned person across all areas of your life. This is the moment transformation becomes embodied, not performed.

When you finally apply the same compassion, clarity, and structure to yourself that you offer everyone else, life begins to shift. If you’re ready to build inner leadership that supports your relationships, your well-being, and your sense of self, I support executives in Northern Virginia and nationwide in cultivating leadership that lasts.

About Jay

I’m Jay Glaspy, a transformational life and leadership coach based in the Haymarket–Gainesville area and serving clients nationwide. As a U.S. Army Special Forces veteran, I bring a grounded, experience-driven approach to helping high performers realign their lives from the inside out. I coach executives, veterans, athletes, and driven professionals in embodied leadership, lifestyle design, and identity alignment so they can build a life they don’t need to escape from. My work blends practical systems with mindful, presence-based leadership. After navigating my own seasons of challenge, recovery, and reinvention, I now help others create clarity, stability, and a way of living that feels honest and sustainable.

Let's connect: jay@commandperformancecoaching.com

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