Emotional Resilience for First Responders and Military: Relearning How to Feel After Years of Numbness
- CPC
- Mar 29
- 3 min read
In high-stakes professions, emotional shutdown becomes a survival strategy. But long-term leadership—and healing—requires learning to feel again.
For years, I only let one emotion through the door: anger.
It was familiar. It gave me an edge. In combat, in conflict, in my career—it served a purpose drove my decisions. Everything else? I shut it off. Grief. Sadness. Fear. Even joy. I didn’t see the point. Emotions slowed things down. They made people weak. Or at least, that’s what I believed.
It worked. Until it didn’t.
Numbness Isn’t Strength—It’s Survival
In the military—and in law enforcement—we're trained to keep it together. Emotional resilience is an after thought. Instead the priorities are to stay sharp under pressure. To compartmentalize. That training saves lives. But no one teaches you how to turn it back off. No one shows you how to feel again when you’re finally safe. So, we stay stuck in gear. Always scanning. Always guarded.
Always ready. You end up craving the adrenaline rush.
And over time, you stop feeling much at all. Except maybe irritation. Or rage. Or impatience. The emotions that feel strong. The ones that help you keep your armor on.
The Cost of Emotional Shutdown with First Responders and Military
The shutdown doesn’t just affect you—it affects the people around you.
You lose connection with family, because you can’t access tenderness.
You lose sleep, because suppressed emotion doesn’t disappear—it just waits.
You lose yourself, because you no longer know what’s true underneath the surface.
And eventually, even the anger turns inward. It becomes exhaustion. Numbness. A quiet ache that leadership or performance can’t fix. You end up reaching for substances to numb the pain and suffering.
The Truth: It’s Okay to Feel
This took me years to learn. Emotions are not the enemy. They’re signals. Feedback. Clues from the body that something matters. Feeling doesn’t make you soft—it makes you real. It makes you human. And if you want to lead others from a place of trust, integrity, and presence…you have to be willing to lead yourself through your own emotional terrain.
What Feeling Again Looks Like
You don’t need to cry in meetings. You don’t need to open up to everyone. But you do need to be honest—with yourself.
You can start simply:
Notice when your jaw clenches, or your chest tightens
Ask: What am I really feeling underneath this frustration?
Practice breathing through tension instead of pushing it down
Journal—not to fix, but to name
Work with someone who knows how to hold space without judgment
Final Thoughts: Turning It Back On
If you’ve spent years as a first responder or in the military turning off your emotions, I want you to know this:
You’re not broken. You adapted. You did what you had to do to survive.
But you don’t have to live in survival forever.
There’s a deeper version of you waiting beneath the armor. One with access to empathy, clarity, connection—and even peace. When you turn that back on, you don’t lose your strength. You remember where it truly comes from.
If you’ve forgotten how to feel—if anger is the only thing that still breaks through—I’m here to walk with you as you relearn the language of your own emotions. I get it. I’ve been there. And I know what’s waiting on the other side.
About Me
I coach Veterans, executives, and professionals to master self-leadership as the foundation for leading others effectively. As a U.S. Army Special Forces Veteran, I bring a balanced, performance-driven approach that integrates self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and holistic wellness. Through transformational change strategies and mental performance techniques, I help individuals operate with clarity and resilience — both in high-pressure environments and in everyday life.
Let's connect: jay@commandperformancecoaching.com
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